DRUNK BLOGGING.... (uh-oh)

So... What's on my mind? Well, my aunt recently joined facebook. That's on my mind. I love my Aunt Ruth. She pretty much raised me until I was 14. No offense, Mom... I love you very much. I really, honestly do. I wouldn't trade anything for the relationship that you and I now have... But, let's face it. Aunt Ruth had more hands on, one on one time with me. I knew who was my mom and who was Aunt Ruth. I just... I don't quite know what I'm trying to say. Maybe the crux of the situation is that I'm having some abandonment issues regarding her. She left me. Plain and simple... Just up and left when I was 14 years old. One of the huge turning points in my life. I was just starting high school... and she left. I don't care who else wanted her to leave or stay. I wanted her to stay. She didn't care. She only visited once, and didn't really write or call after that. My heart was, and still is, broken. Was I really that disposable? Why didn't she love me enough to even keep in freaking contact? Maybe that is part of the problem I was having as a teenager. I don't know. I just know that I've been drinking Midori spiked margaritas tonight, and I don't want to turn into a sobbing, slobbering, sappy drunk. I'm having a good time, and I don't want to ruin it. Other than having this little issue of "what the fuck? why didn't she bother to keep in contact with me?" I'm in a great point in my life. I'm 30 and relatively okay with that. I love and get along with both of my parents. Junior is doing very well. I'm able to watch Trisha grow into a young woman (and I have to point out here that Mom and Dad are doing an absolutely fantastic job with her. Not only is she a very grounded person, but they have given me every opportunity to be an active part of her life. This just goes to show how forgiving parents can be. Once I got my shit together, they were more than willing to give me full access.). Sure, there are two other kids I have no contact with... and I hate that fact. It was for the best for everyone involved. There will come a day.... I digress. Where I'm really going is that I missed my Aunt Ruth. I love her. I hate the fact that she didn't deem me worthy of a phone call every once in a while. My feelings are hurt, but I'm willing to try and make amends, no strings. I just want her to tell me why..... why... why....?